Tiger Woods and the Misconception of Sex Addiction
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Image
It only stands to reason that so many people - hub page creators included - have jumped on the Tiger Woods-bashing bandwagon, particularly since TW has become the master of image. Our collective ego says someone with that clean and perfect of an image must be either a saint or vile scum, because people tend to think in extremes.
I'm not saying anything too revealing or insightful by pointing out that our western culture overvalues image, image being something external to the actual person who holds it. It reminds me of an episode of Entourage where Vinnie Chase (the movie star in the series, who has just made Aquaman the highest grossing movie of all time) is shopping for a new agent. In one meeting after another, he goes into a conference room where a roomful of suits sit down to show him a presentation that goes something like this: "Mercedes. Coca Cola. Two of the most recognizable names on this planet. Vincent Chase. We intend to make you as popular as both of them."
Tiger Woods is a brand. True. But I just want you to consider for a moment what that brings with it. Perfection. Meeting and exceeding expectations. Being a thing (an image) ... rather than being a human being. I also think it's revealing to become aware of what bothers us and why. By being upset, what does that reveal about ourselves, and what we feel is lacking in our own lives?
So, to start, put aside judgment for a moment, and consider the possibility this is a person with a problem.
Sex Addiction
What is an addiction?
There are two categories of answers for this question. One is denotative (direct, definitional) and one connotative (the meaning we think it carries). Let's start with definitions:
Dictionary.com: Addiction: "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."
Merrium Webster: Addiction: "1 : the quality or state of being addicted <addiction to reading> 2 : compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful." Addict: "to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or obsessively <addicted to gambling>"
Key words here are "enslaved", "habit-forming", "cessation causes severe trauma", "compulsive need", "well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal", "known by the user to be harmful", "surrender ... obsessively".
Our connotative experience is built upon long-held stereotypes about sex, about pornography, about what we feel is "normal" vs. "obsessive", and about any under the surface guilt or feelings we may be carrying from our own life experiences. Consider the possibility that judgmental feelings over TW being in sex rehab equates to a belief that you may think what he engaged in is "normal" and that he's more committed to his image (translated: an empty shell of a man) than to his wife and family. I don't know the man - that may be true or not. My instinct is to seek to understand before passing judgment.
Sex addiction is a real phenomenon. If you seek to understand this, check out http://www.sexaa.org/. It includes helpful information, including a self-assessment, if you're so inclined to check it out. Regardless, after reading, you may begin to see how sex, like pot, gambling, cigarettes and heroin, has qualities that can make it compulsively addictive. To the argument that the drugs mentioned have a habit-forming chemical, check out this article: http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain. Quote: "Orgasm is the biggest dose of dopamine (legally) available to us" and it is "one of the most addictive substances ever produced."
Fascinating subject. So fascinating, that Dr. Drew Pinsky has created a series on VH1 called Sex Rehab, which is an absorbing study on the subject.
My sense, from what I've seen and read, is that there is nothing fun or enjoyable about going through rehab for sex addiction. From what I can observe, it appears to be one of the most embarrassing, humbling, self-revealing exercises one can experience.
Empathy and understanding
Life is hard.
Knee-jerk reactions to the news we hear, flavored by the veneer of our own ego-infused judgments, do not make the best cocktail of reality.
Sometimes I think we're better served by just silently and dispassionately observing situations like these and letting them unfold on their own, especially since they don't really directly pertain to us. In this vein, I normally do not choose to write about topical pieces like this, because I don't feel I have something substantive to add to the public dialogue. This time I do.
Take a breath. Let the man figure out who he is - this experience in this lengthy, comprehensive treatment program may be the best gift he has ever experienced. And for the rest of us, perhaps it will once again remind us not to buy into artificial images of people that they cannot sustain, and that we should not impose upon them.
Branding
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It is very interesting, when you start reading about it. I saw an interview with Drew Pinsky on Oprah awhile back - that's when I heard about his show.
And that IS a great idea - I'll ask my Dr. to prescribe some of that (reminds me of a Woody Allen movie where people went into the "orgasmatron"!)
This is quite the insightful article. I enjoyed reading it. I have always considered sex addiction among men to be a bogus concept. Given the chance Tiger has, with his wealth and fame, history shows that the vast majority of men become "addicted" to sex. They're men. That's how they are. Unless they are pious. :D
Thanks James. Though I have concluded sex addiction is real, that's really not the important question. Clearly what he's practicing is some form of obsessive compulsive behavior - because to think that any of us men left to our own devices would screw anything in sight isn't really true (I hope!) Practicing some discriminating behavior and self-control is a matter of maturity and self-awareness.
That said though, I do hope for the best for Tiger or anyone dealing with a shameful or compulsive condition. Life is hard enough as it is without compounding it with something like this.
I appreciate your thoughts, and for checking in!
Gerg,
I have to thank you for shedding some light on this topic for the public. As part of a treatment team that provides equine assisted psychotherapy for sex addicts I can tell you it does exist and it is just as awful as any other addiction. I also was trained by Patrick Carnes who worked with Tiger Woods in Mississippi. I am the only horse professional in the US with this training working with sex addiction.
Part of what most people don't understand is the fact that somewhere in the addicts childhood something happened. Whatever it was changed the arousal template in the brain which changed them and their desires. The more they gave into that desire the more it got distorted. Thus the more danger to release more chemicals to the brain.
The addict can even act out the original event where the trauma started. A heterosexual male that was perpetrated on by a man will act out homosexually when the addiction progresses. It is a very sad circumstance and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
It is vastly misunderstood and needs more people to understand they aren't doing this because they want or like to. Sex is normal but obsessive thoughts and actions regarding sex are not.
Just my thoughts as I just ran across your hub. Anyone needing help in the Middle TN area can find us at www.meaningfulsolutions.us Thanks.
Well stated, karmifilly: "Sex is normal but obsessive thoughts and actions regarding sex are not."
I've read Patrick Carnes as well. You're right, it's about uncontrolled compulsiveness that, like alcohol, interferes with your ability to be honest, keep commitments, and basically stay true to your own sense of who you should be.
Very interesting stuff on your site and EAP: what I sense is that it provides a sense of grounding, presence and meditation.
What we facilitate is metaphorical learning. Showing clients what does and does not work in their lives. With these addicts they need to see their impact on others lives. So by doing relationship with horses they get the feedback that humans can't or won't show. Horses read the body language, energy and intention of each act. I then interpret that to the therapist/client so they can see the impact their actions take. It makes lots of them sad and less angry. No need to get defensive as their is no human pointing fingers shaming them for their addiction.
Fascinating. I guess it speaks to human nature as well as to the horse's nature. I haven't had much experience with horses, so it sounds like a great experience in self-awareness and authenticity.
Absolutely along with congruency. If you aren't congruent you are seen as unsafe to the horse world. They know of no other way to be but in the here and now feeling as they do. Clients who don't know what they are feeling or don't know how other perceive them get a real true reading from the horses which helps them in life. Everyone could use some help in this area.
Congruency - good term! And I wholeheartedly agree. If I was in Tennessee, I'd want to come by and check it out!
Jackwms Level 2 Commenter 2 years ago
This is pretty interesting stuff. But, it gave me chuckle about the possibility of getting a prescription for orgasm dopamine. LOL, but anyway, a great hub.